3 and 4-Year-Old: Milestones, Activities, Gear, Dad Tips, & More
Toddlerhood is long gone, kindergarten is on the horizon, and your kid is becoming an independent mini-you.
Here’s a comprehensive guide to 3 and 4-year-old milestones, self-care skills, activities to do with your child, OT-recommended toys and gear, and ways to master being a dad.
3 and 4-Year-Old Milestones
3 Years Old
Transitioning from parallel play (playing alongside or near others) to associate play (interacts with others during play and uses toys that can be shared like a kitchen set)
Uses “step through” to walk up and down stairs (one foot on each step)
Jumps with both feet and may be able to single-foot hop
Pedals tricycle or three-wheel bike.
Uses three-word sentences and can volley a conversation.
Follows two- or three-part instructions (“get the firetruck, put it in the basket, then come to me.”)
Can use some plural words
Verbalizes her first name, age and gender.
Asks questions that begin with “why,” “where,” “what,” “when” and “how.”
Likes routine and gets frustrated or upset with big changes in routine
Turn-taking in games and activities
Uses a crayon to draw or copy a circle
Plays make-believe with toys and people
Can turn door handles and screw/unscrew lids
4 Years Old
Transitions from associate play (see above) to cooperative play (plays with others including with games with some instructions)
Catches a ball bounced to him a majority of the time
Stands and hops on one foot for a few seconds.
Tells stories fluently
Confuses the difference of real-world and make-believe world
Eager to do new experiences
Prefers interactive play vs. isolated play
Copies simple shapes
Draws a person with 2-4 body parts
Uses scissors
Plays card games and board games
Self Care Skills
3 Years Old
Brushes their own hair
Brushes their own teeth but needs help for thoroughness
Puts a button-up shirt on (but can’t do buttons yet)
Unzip a zipper
Going to the bathroom on their own
Standing on a stool to wash their own hands
Unbutton large buttons
4 Years Old
Pours drinks
Cuts with supervision
Removes shirts and pants
Puts on shirts and sweaters (with some help)
Puts on pants (help with zippers and buttons)
Buttons large buttons
Pull up a zipper (once it’s started)
Put on socks and shoes (but can’t tie laces yet)
Wipes their butt after pooping
Activities To Help Your Child Thrive
Obstacle course. Grab some friends and their kids and go to a park at a time when it won’t be crowded. Plan an obstacle course using every square inch of the park. Carry eggs on spoons, have a water balloon toss, throw a ball into a target, walk the balance beam, and get creative. Make it long, make it fun, and get neighbors and friends involved. See POlaytivities for more obstacle course ideas.
Headspace meditation. Meditation for kids? Yes and for good reasons. When kids meditate it’s been shown to improve working memory capacity, self-awareness, attention, calmness, and emotional intelligence. A small pilot study also showed improved sleep and anxiety in kids with ADHD. Headspace has run with this concept by creating Headspace for Kids which has 11 kid and family meditations. I’ve been using Headspace for years and I’ve been including my toddler in some of them (the videos are a hit). Start simple, expect little, and create a foundation for life.
Art everything. Use an easel and get creative. Your kid has a good grasp and likes the idea of short bursts of creating with colors so get creative. Strip them down to a diaper and use an easel to have them explore with chalk, paint, crayons, and anything else you have on hand. See iheartartsncrafts.com for 25 great art ideas for toddlers.
New culture introduction through food. Pick a different culture each week, talk about what makes them unique, and adopt something to carry over into your night. For example, when learning about China, celebrate the Lunar New Year, cook Chinese food, and use chopsticks.
Sleep
The double nap days are coming to a close. Kids start giving up the afternoon nap around age 3-5 years, but typically closer to when they start kindergarten.
Red Flags
It’s important to note that children develop at different paces. If you’re not seeing these 3-5 year-old milestones then talk to your pediatrician.
Stuff
Toys (with a purpose)
Here are some toys recommended by an occupational therapist to help your 2-month-old’s development.
Travel busy board for dressing and tracking the time, days, etc.
A bike. Look for a bike with 14” wheels if your child is in the 3’1”-3’7” height range and 16” wheels if they’re in the 3’7”-4’0” height range.
Dripex Kids Bike (16”, 18”)
Schwinn Koen & Elm Toddler and Kids Bike (12”, 14”, 16”, 18”)
A helmet: What to look for in a helmet:
Size. Measure your kid’s head circumference to determine the best size.
Weight. Lighter is better for kids.
Safety. Rest assured that all bike helmets sold in the U.S. have a CPSC safety certification. There is a new technology called MIPS (multi-directional impact protection) that many helmets now incorporate. It is a thin liner inside the helmet which allows 10-15mm of sliding rotation of the head in all directions to decrease the transfer of the motion to your brain. There's debate over how much, or even if, this added layer of safety works but with the number of brain injuries I've seen as an OT, the extra cost is worth it.
Giro Scamp MIPS Youth Recreational Cycling Helmet (circumference: 45-49cm and 49-53cm)
Giro Hale MIPS Youth Cycling Helmet (50-57cm)
Bike fitting: Your kid is growing fast so make sure you know when and how to adjust their seat (a.k.a. saddle) height. This is a great quick guide from Prevelo and here is a more advanced guide from Two Wheeling Tots.
Gear (that you actually need)
Memento more reminder. About 75% of the time you will ever spend with your kids will be achieved by the time they turn 12. This is a stark reminder that we are mortal, time is finite, and not relishing in the moment is common. Have an equally start reminder of this with a framed poster (or a more interactive one) on your wall reminding you that the average number of weeks we have is 4,000.
Head injury protection. Riding a bike, skateboard, or even a scooter are obvious reasons to wear a helmet but the risk of a head injury can come at the risk of less obvious activities your kids do such as soccer, wrestling, and gymnastics. Here is a great way to protect your kid's head without having them wear a full-blown helmet. Virginia Tech found that it reduced the risk of head sports injuries by 84% and it complies with STM, NFHS and FIFA Rule-4 standards. There are a few different types to choose from as well: classic, original, and slim.
Dad
“The best way of training the young is to train yourself at the same time; not to admonish them, but to be seen never doing that of which you would admonish them.”
–Plato
Dad Focus
Flexibility. Babies are incredible, supple things that can bounce and roll off of the hardest of surfaces. In fact, kids in the 12-19 month-old range average 17 falls an hour! On the other end of the spectrum, 10% of falls in the elderly result in fractures, and about 25% of older adults who get a hip fracture die just six months later. So, while you're not at the point in your life where you're checking out Florida nursing homes, you are closer to that phase of life than to your toddlers.
All this is to say, as adults, we're more fragile and one of the reasons is a lack of mobility. it's important to challenge your flexibility now because once you lose that range of motion you're probably not going to get it back. This loss of mobility leads to more discomfort, increased risk of injury, and less ability to do the physical stuff with friends and family such as traveling and playing sports. I see this on a daily basis as an OT. I work to improve patient'’ active and passive range of motion to do something as simple as getting a shirt over their head or as complex as returning to a dynamic work environment.
Start be doing a mobility test such as these 5 simple pass/fail tests you can do right now. Write down the results. This is your baseline.
Not, it's time to get more Simone Biles and less Carl Fredricksen (that old guy from Up). Start slowly by simply sitting less. Use a standing desk, go for more walks, and get out of that folded, kyphotic posture. Then work to static and dynamic stretching routines. Incorporate flexibility-based movements into your repertoires such as yoga, pilates, and even weight lifting to achieve full ranges. Incorporate modalities that address muscle adhesions and specific pockets of concern in your muscles such as foam rolling and instrument-assisted soft tissue mobilization (IASTM). I use two scraping tools (here and here) with some coconut oil as the emollient on tight spots such as my calves and hamstrings.
Start small, challenge your range of motion consistently, and retest every 2 weeks.
A great resource for improving your flexibility is The Supple Leopard by Kelly Starrett.
Also: Q&A: What’s The Best Way To Stretch? (And Do You Even Need To?)
Dad Tips
Get a library membership. Head there on rainy days, ahead of a vacation to get a book for the ride, or just make it a Tuesday night ritual. (Bonus: download the Libby app and listen to books with your kids on long car rides.)
Birthday wishlist hack. At this point, you’re probably a dad who tends to always get your child something when they go to the store or never and often times both come with behavioral issues. Before going into any store, talk to your kid about expectations. Instead of buying something for them, encourage them to add something that they like to their birthday wishlist. They can add 10 things (which prevents decision-making meltdowns), there’s no expectation to buy something, they practice delayed gratification and impulse control, and you get birthday ideas for them. Make a note of what they want and as the birthday approaches, review it with them to make sure that they still want it.
Always have snacks at the ready. On the other side of a hungry kid tends to be an emotional kid. Have snacks packed and at the ready in your bag, car, etc. My go-to is a mason jar full of nuts, coconut flakes, and mini dark chocolate chips.
Resources
Article:
Confronting Kid Conflict with Emotion Coaching (The Gottman Institute)
Podcast Episode:
Understanding Interpersonal Neurobiology and Raising Resilient Kids with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson (Muscle Intelligence Podcast)
Book:
Kids Eat in Color Everyday Snacks (Kids Eat in Color)
Live up the time with your little buddy. Celebrate the 3 and 4-year milestones and remember that you’ve got it good.
Got any suggestions that worked for you and your baby at this age? Leave them in the comment section.
