Feeling Burned Out as a Parent? Here’s What to Do
"Children don’t need perfect parents. They need happy, present, and well-rested ones."
—Janet Lansbury
Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet demanding roles in life. It’s a non-stop job with no clock-out time, no PTO, and often, no immediate feedback to tell you you’re doing a good job. The daily demands of raising children—combined with work, relationships, and personal health—can push parents beyond normal stress into burnout.
A recent advisory from the U.S. Surgeon General highlights just how serious this issue is, warning that 48% of parents report their stress as “completely overwhelming.” And that stress doesn’t just impact parents—it spills over onto kids. Studies show a direct link between parental burnout and children's mental health, a phenomenon often called ‘trickle-down anxiety.’
Parental stress is normal and unavoidable. But chronic, unrelenting stress that leads to exhaustion, detachment, and a loss of fulfillment in parenting? That’s burnout. And it’s not something to ignore.
What is Parental Burnout?
Parental burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion related to one’s parenting role. It happens when the stress of parenting consistently outweighs the resources—time, energy, emotional bandwidth—available to cope with it.
Unlike the usual day-to-day parenting stress, burnout is more severe and prolonged. It doesn’t go away with a single good night’s sleep or a short break. Left unchecked, it can impact your mental health, relationships, and even your ability to be the parent you want to be.
Signs and Symptoms of Parental Burnout
If you’re wondering whether you’re just a tired parent or actually burning out, look for these key symptoms:
Chronic Exhaustion: Feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally drained, no matter how much you rest.
Detachment from Your Kids: Feeling emotionally distant, checked out, or resentful toward your children.
Reduced Parenting Accomplishment: Feeling ineffective, like you’re failing at parenting, or like nothing you do makes a difference.
Irritability and Short Temper: Snapping over small things, struggling with patience, or feeling easily frustrated.
Loss of Joy: No longer finding happiness in parenting moments that once made you smile.
Physical Symptoms: Headaches, sleep disturbances, digestive issues, or muscle tension from chronic stress.
Parental burnout is not just “being stressed.” It’s a deeper, more persistent state that can lead to depression, anxiety, and even physical illness if ignored.
How to Prevent & Overcome Parental Burnout
1. Cognitive Reappraisal: Change How You See It
The Stoics had a brutal but effective mental trick called pre-meditatio malorum—essentially, imagining the worst-case scenario to reframe gratitude. Imagine if you were dead and suddenly had the opportunity to return to this time in your life. Chances are, this period right now would make the top 10. The tantrums, the mess, the chaos—it’s all part of the ride. This isn’t to minimize struggles but to shift perspective. Zoom out for that shift in perspective.
2. Recognize Invisible Labor and Fix What’s Draining You
Burnout isn’t just about the visible tasks—diaper changes, meal prep, or shuttling kids to activities. It’s also about the invisible labor that surrounds those tasks—the mental load of keeping schedules, making decisions, and anticipating needs. This constant cognitive strain, often called the second shift, can be even more exhausting than the physical tasks themselves.
Do this:
Write down all the tasks you handle in a week. Include both the physical and mental work.
Rank them from most to least stressful.
Identify what you can swap, delegate, or eliminate.
Schedule a weekly check-in with your partner (or yourself). Discuss what’s working, what’s overwhelming, and redistribute tasks when possible.
3. Get Interested in What You’re Doing
The antidote to burnout isn’t just rest—it’s engagement. Research shows that burnout goes beyond being overworked, it’s about lack of interest in what you’re doing. If parenting has become all logistics and no joy, find ways to make it more engaging.
One-on-one kid dates: If you have multiple kids, this keeps relationships personal and rewarding.
Hobbies outside of parenting: Join a book club, a sports league, or schedule coffee dates with friends.
Create small rituals with your kids: Movie nights, storytelling traditions, weekend hikes, making meals together, etc.
4. Differentiate Perfection from Good Enough
Many of us feel an invisible pressure to be the “perfect” parent. But let’s be clear:
Your kids don’t need you to play with them all the time.
It’s okay if they throw tantrums.
Their success in sports, school, or social settings does not define your self-worth.
“Good enough” parenting is still great parenting.
5. Let Go of Milestones & Shift Your Comparing Mindset
Social media fuels an unrealistic standard of parenting. We’re fed constant advice—“Three steps to make your kid eat vegetables,” “Five ways to raise the perfect middle child.” But real parenting isn’t a highlight reel. While comparison is often touted as the thief of joy, that is only when we are comparing upward. When you compare to others who are either in a spot you used to be in or who are not as fortunate as you, this can induce a sense of gratitude, a topic discussed in the book, Shift.
Do this: Define your family’s core values (kindness, resilience, nature, creativity, etc.). Write them down. Big. Where everyone sees them. If you’re moving toward those values, you’re succeeding. Also, stop comparing your kids to the high-achievers. This often starts right out of the womb with their height and weight, then moves to milestones, number of extracurriculars, type of schools, friends groups, etc. Enjoy the moment and since you’re going to compare yourself and your kid anyway, thanks to this built-in cognitive heuristic, compare downward instead of upward.
6. Simplify Everything
There is a great book that is devoted to making the parenting game simpler that I highly recommend yuo read. It’s called Simplicity Parenting. It discusses the importance of reducing, well, everything. Burnout thrives in clutter—physical, mental, and logistical. The solution is often less.
Fewer toys, books, screens, extracurriculars, and commitments.
More consistent routines (bedtime, meals).
Practice “good enough” housekeeping. The term for this is “Kalsarikännit parenting” (Finnish for “relaxing even when things are messy”). It means letting go of the pressure for perfection—inviting people over even when the house isn’t spotless.
7. Have an Action Plan for Your Downtime
When you do get rare moments of rest, don’t waste them stressing or, worse, doom-scrolling.
If you get even a half hour to yourself, have a plan for what you would do. Go for a run? Call a friend? Take a nap? Do the same thought experiment for longer intervals. Aim for things that are active, social, and/or fulfilling.
Exercise as a stress reliever, not just as a health goal. Even short walks help reset your brain.
Make sleep non-negotiable. Chronic sleep deprivation worsens burnout. Set a bedtime for yourself, not just for your kids.
8. Seek Support When You Need It
Sometimes, burnout is a signal you need outside help.
Find a psychologist, therapist, or counselor. Talking to a professional can help reframe stressors and offer new strategies.
Join a parenting group. Shared struggles lighten the load.
Talk to your partner about mental load. Burnout isn’t just a personal issue, it’s a systemic one. Parenting should be a shared experience.
Final Thoughts
Parental burnout is real, but it’s not inevitable. The antidote isn’t more discipline, more effort, or more sacrifice—it’s reframing your perspective, simplifying your load, and prioritizing yourself too. Kids don’t need more extracurriculars, constant face-to-face time with you, or achievements that slightly edge out (or keep up with) their peers. And they definitely don’t need perfect parents. They need a happy, healthy, and present one. Get there.
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