Goodbye "Good Job!": The Right And Wrong Way To Praise Your Child
"Good job!"
"Nice hit."
"You’re so smart!"
These phrases may seem harmless, but what if they’re actually limiting your child's growth? Empty praise like this can undermine intrinsic motivation, increase the fear of failure, hinder emotional regulation, and even impact their grades and mental well-being.
Research shows that praise without specifics or a connection to a child's actual actions can have unintended consequences. While we naturally want to celebrate our children’s achievements, relying on generic praise may not be as helpful as we think.
Beyond a fleeting smile, empty praise doesn’t offer useful feedback or guidance. It can also discourage the development of a growth mindset, fostering the belief that intelligence and abilities are fixed rather than developed through effort. When children are consistently praised for their innate talents ("You're a natural!"), they may develop a fixed mindset, fearing failure and avoiding challenges—ultimately stalling their long-term growth.
That said, positive reinforcement is still valuable. A simple "high five!" or a genuine smile can mean a lot. However, to truly nurture growth, we need to move beyond superficial praise and focus on more meaningful recognition.
Let’s explore the best ways to praise your kids for lasting growth and motivation.
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While there are a lot of resources out there, two of my favorite books to learn about praise are How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.
Read more about the importance of praising less here.
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