Fronting, Zones, & Sounding More Interesting: 3 Takeaways From Cues

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“A strong idea cannot stand alone. It needs to be accompanied by strong cues.”

—Vanessa Van Edwards

Vanessa Van Edwards' Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication is a deep dive into the unspoken language that governs our relationships. Forget about forced smiles and canned conversation starters—"Cues" breaks down the subtle signals we transmit and reveals how to use them for effective communication and deeper connection.

Here are three powerful takeaways that will leave you rethinking your every interaction:

1. The Power of Fronting: Forget "fake it till you make it." Van Edwards reveals how our subconscious body language, like the direction of our toes, betrays our true focus and desires. Learn to read these subtle cues in others and master the art of aligning your physicality with your intentions.

2. Bridging the Zones of Interaction: Forget awkward introductions and uncomfortable transitions. Discover the four invisible zones surrounding us and unlock the secrets to seamlessly move from strangers to confidantes, navigating the space between public politeness and intimate trust.

3. Sounding More Interesting: Beyond words, it's your voice that holds the key to captivating listeners. Learn how confidence in your tone and a touch of emotional variety transform the dull conversation into a magnetic engagement.

I enjoy the way she organizes the book into verbal cues and nonverbal cues and then breaks down each section into smaller areas comprised of evidence-based and practical takeaways to use to your advantage. This is now my handbook for having better conversations, becoming more engaging, and learning to decipher other’s intentions.

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3 Takeaways From Cues

1. Bosses, Crushes, & The Disinterested

Van Edwards emphasizes the significance of body language, highlighting the concept of "fronting," where individuals subconsciously angle their toes, torso, and top towards what captures their attention.

"Our physical orientation cues others to our mental orientation, whatever we're thinking about."

Notably, observations at work parties revealed that people tend to direct their toes towards authority figures or crushes, providing insights into their true expectations and interests.

When Van Edwards and her colleagues observed employees at work parties they came away with some interesting findings. Most people in the room are angling their toes toward the boss, even when they’re not speaking to him or her. She writes, “If you want to know people really respect, watch their toes.”

They found similar findings with crushes. People pointed their toes toward the person in the room they want to be with.

Conversely, lack of fronting signals disinterest, such as when individuals prioritize tasks like checking email over paying attention to a presentation or during dates when the other person is not engaged.

2. Bridging The Zones Of Interactions

There are four areas around our body where we like to interact with different categories of people.

1. The Intimacy Zone. About 0 to 18 inches away.

2. The Personal Zone. About 18 inches- 4 feet away

3. The Social Zone. About 4-7 feet.

4. The Public Zone. Anything beyond 7 feet.

In my role as an OT, a significant challenge unfolds when I encounter a patient for the first time. Establishing rapport becomes crucial as I navigate the transition from being a stranger to someone who can enter their personal space, bridging the gap from the Public Zone to the Intimacy Zone. In the initial evaluation process, I begin with general inquiries that progressively delve into more specific details, eventually necessitating palpation of different body areas as an integral part of my professional duties.

While I've grown accustomed to this aspect of my work, it’s no easy transition even for the most social of individuals. So she has some tips:

• Use a nonverbal bridge, a concept of briefly entering a more intimate zone to establish connection.

• Nonverbal bridge suggestions: leaning in subtly, leveling by adjusting your position to be on the same level as the person, gesturing toward them, and incorporating touch.

• For children, nonverbal bridges can include friendly gestures like high-fives or getting more eye level.

• I also do this when I am first touching them as I take their blood pressure. This required act allows me to slide in a compliment about what they’re wearing or ask a disarming question such as about a tattoo or even where they’re from. This combo seems to bring defenses down quickly.

3. How To Sound More Interesting

Ever find yourself talking and the person you’re speaking to is obviously disinterested? This happens to me way more than it should. Van Edwards shed some light on why this is and what to do about it.

It turns out that when people are tuning you out of just find you borking, it’s less to do with your content and more to do with your delivery. The two things you listen for when someone is speaking is confidence and emotion.

• Confidence: It signals power and cues people to take you seriously. To indicate confidence, use inflection and a low tone which says, “I feel good about what I'm saying and so should you."

• Emotion: It helps people to think you’re interesting and it signals warmth. To indicate emotion use vocal variety which says, "I have something really interesting to say so you should listen to it."

Introverts like myself struggle with both of these, especially the latter. In my head, I think my variety is 5x what it sounds like to the other person even though my wife will poke fun at me for my more monotone delivery. However, this vulnerability, Van Edwards says, allows people to connect to you. She suggests a mindset shift of viewing your vocal delivery as a reflection of your hard work on the ideas you present. Instead of drawing attention to yourself, the focus is redirected to spotlighting the merit and effort behind your thoughts.

The other killer of this is scripting. Don’t script more than you need (for a presentation for example) and don’t rehearse so much that you rehearse the emotion out of it.

Bonus: Write Better Emails

When it comes to email, she says to focus on the first 10 words of your opener. Examples of openers:

• Hi friend

• Happy to be here

• What a pleasure

• Glad to connect

• I'm thrilled to do this together

And always end with charisma that is either warm or competent depending on the situation.

Examples of warmth closers:

• Cheers

• Best

• Can't wait

• Warm regards

• Yours truly

• Faithfully

• Warmly

• Love

Examples of competent closers:

• Sincerely

• Regards

• Respectfully

• Appreciatively

• Onward

Sweet spot closers:

• Excited to work with you

• Looking forward to this

• Happy to answer any questions

• We got this

• To your success

• Great work

• Thank you for everything

Avoid sterile sign-offs or no sign-offs at all.

Related:

• Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How To Be Better At Small Talk And Public Speaking With Matt Abrahams

• 7 Signs You’re An Emotionally Strong Person

• Think Again by Adam Grant: 3 Takeaways

Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication

By Van Edwards, Vanessa