From Strength to Strength by Arthur Brooks | 3 Takeaways
“If you remember only one lesson from this book, it should be that love is at the epicenter of our happiness.”
—Arthur Brooks
Arthur Brooks, a renowned social scientist, economist, and author, has penned twelve insightful books, including How To Build The Life You Want. In one of his latest works, From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life, Brooks merges meticulous research with captivating storytelling to write about navigating the second half of life
When it comes to your career, the skills that gave you your success early on will significantly decline as early as age 30 and as late as your '50s. So there are three doors to go through. You can deny it, you can just accept the decline and not change, or you can accept that what got you to this point won't get you to the next point and build some new strengths and skills as a result. Door number 3 is what this book is about.
Brooks challenges the conventional wisdom of relentless pursuit and endless striving. Instead, he invites readers to embrace a new phase of life characterized by wisdom, connection, and purpose.
3 Takeaways from Strength to Strength
1. The Hedonic Treadmill
We're wired to want and then to want some more. For most of human history, this served our species well. Given that humans teetered on starvation for much of their existence, a caveman was considered rich if they had some extra berries, animal skins, and spears. Not only did this allow him to survive harsh winters but it also boosted his ability to pass on his genes. If he had more than the guy in the next cave then he had a much higher chance of getting a mate. Those who desired more, got it, and constantly compared themselves to others passed on their genes. This explains why these traits are so hardwired into our brains.
These cavemen had to constantly compare themselves to others to ensure survival but they weren't comparing themselves to people halfway around the earth. Their comparison only needed to stretch as far as they could walk or run because this is all the world they knew. Our communities are much different today, leading to a much different social hierarchy. If you're a millionaire but run in circles with billionaires, you will want more. This explains why seeing a friend on a vacation can make us feel envious and, more generally, why social media makes people feel less satisfied which means less happiness.
Brooks has a simple equation for this:
Satisfaction = what you have (divided by) what you want
Research shows that this hedonic treadmill, a.k.a. a keeping up with the Jones' way of living, leads to anxiety and depression. As Brooks puts it,
"The small rush of pleasure we get from being envied by others one minute is swallowed up by the unhappiness from having less than someone else the next minute. But the urge to have more than others tugs at us relentlessly....It makes no sense in modern life to use our energies to have five cars, five bathrooms, or even five shirts, but we just… want them.”
It'll never be easy to totally override this cognitive heuristic but Brooks devotes plenty of space in the book for ways to manage it.
2. Acknowledge Your Weaknesses
Failure has a negative connotation yet it is critical for growth. As we move from the first mountain of life to the next, many of our skills, such as our fluid intelligence and our strength, will decline. It might be tempting to take the "fake it 'til you make it" approach but this just stalls the transition to that second mountain and your mental health suffers as a result. Instead, we need to acknowledge this transition and our weaknesses. Here’s how Brooks puts it:
“To see weakness as purely negative is a mistake. Weakness befalls us all, and in many ways. It has its discomforts to be sure and entails loss. But it is also an opportunity—to connect more deeply with others; to see the sacredness in suffering; even to find new areas of growth and success. Stop hiding it, and don’t resist it. Doing so has another benefit for strivers—maybe the most important one of all: you can finally relax a little. When you are honest and humble about your weaknesses, you will be more comfortable in your own skin. When you use your weaknesses to connect with others, love in your life will grow. And finally—finally—you will be able to relax without worrying about being exposed as less than people think you are.”
3. Liminality
Life is a transition on repeat. We tend to prefer the familiar and the comfortable and avoid change at all costs. Brooks writes,
"Psychologists have a special word for uncomfortable life transitions, liminality. It means the time between work roles, organizations, career paths, and relationship stages."
Like many things in life, these transitions are uncomfortable and we often do so much to avoid them. This may look like remaining in jobs we hate, staying with partners we don't want to be with, and never truly pushing ourselves to our potential. When looking back on tough transitions of any kind (parenthood, career, medical issues, breakups, etc.) we view them in a positive light. This is due to a cognitive bias called the fading affect bias which states that unpleasant feelings fade faster than pleasant ones. We come out of the fire with post-traumatic growth and a stronger sense of purpose. It doesn't necessarily provide more happiness but Brooks points out that it's not always about happiness.
"...suffering during transitions can create the meaning in life that imposes a sense of stability over subsequent transitions."
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