The Hidden Key to Kids’ Behavior and Well-Being: Nervous System Regulation
“Sensory-seeking children often have a strong desire to explore the world around them; they learn through I wish more people knew healing the nervous system is about being still. Laying in the sun. Being present while you eat your food. Listening to the sounds of nature. Letting your imagination run wild. Instead of more routine, the body needs less."
--Dr. Nicole LePera
A child’s nervous system is like a living garden. The quality of the light, sound, food, and pace around them are the soil and water. When the environment is rich and stable, they grow resilient roots and flexible branches. When it’s harsh or chaotic, growth becomes survival. Screens, foods, lighting, noise, touch, and even the pace of their daily routines all send signals that either improve the garden or deplete it.
Prioritizing a healthy nervous system isn’t just about avoiding meltdowns; it shapes how kids learn, connect, sleep, and even digest their food. When we overlook the role of the environment, we miss one of the biggest levers for helping kids thrive. Parents, teachers, and caregivers have the chance to create conditions where a child’s nervous system feels safe, flexible, and resilient.
That balance between calm and alert is what sets the stage for long-term health and emotional stability.
Why A Regulated Nervous System Matters
How kids experience things plays a huge role in how their nervous system grows. Taking care of their nervous system is crucial for their resilience, neurological development, and overall happiness.
A well-functioning nervous system hinges on maintaining a delicate equilibrium between its two core components: the sympathetic nervous system, which triggers responses like fight, flight, or freeze, and the parasympathetic nervous system, responsible for rest, digestion, and recovery. Neither branch of the nervous system is inherently positive or negative; rather, they are designed to collaboratively operate and adapt to various circumstances, ensuring our safety and well-being.
At times, the sympathetic nervous system takes the lead, fueling excitement with risk-taking during play, the anticipation of that birthday party, or in scary situations such as thunderstorms. Other times it's the parasympathetic nervous system that takes over, such as with meal times (okay, sometimes), reading that bedtime book, or moments of relaxation and cuddling.
When these systems are appropriately and gracefully seesawing in tandem, then physical and mental health is supported. Issues arise, however, when one system becomes persistently dominant (more typically with the overactivation of the sympathetic branch) the nervous system becomes dysregulated, impacting overall health and functioning.
What A Dysregulated Nervous System Looks Like
A dysregulated nervous system in children can show up in a variety of ways, presenting a spectrum of behavioral, emotional, and physiological indicators.
Hyperactivity and Impulsivity: Children with a dysregulated nervous system may exhibit heightened levels of energy, restlessness, and impulsive behaviors. They may struggle with sustained attention, find it challenging to sit still, and act without considering consequences.
Difficulty with Emotional Regulation: Emotional dysregulation is a hallmark of a dysregulated nervous system. Children may experience intense mood swings, heightened reactivity to stimuli, and difficulty calming down after emotional arousal. This can lead to frequent meltdowns, tantrums, or emotional outbursts.
Sleep Disturbances: Dysregulation often interferes with the child's ability to transition into a calm state conducive to sleep. Children may experience difficulty falling asleep, frequent night awakenings, or restless sleep patterns.
Sensory Sensitivities: Children with a dysregulated nervous system may demonstrate heightened sensitivities to sensory stimuli. This can manifest as aversions or intense reactions to certain textures, sounds, lights, or smells, impacting their ability to navigate and engage with the environment.
Difficulty with Social Interactions: Dysregulation can affect a child's ability to navigate social situations. They may struggle with interpersonal relationships, experience challenges in understanding social cues, and exhibit difficulty in sharing, taking turns, or cooperating with peers.
Cognitive Challenges: A dysregulated nervous system can impact cognitive functioning. Children may struggle with concentration, memory, and cognitive flexibility. This can affect academic performance and the ability to engage effectively in learning environments.
Digestive Issues: The nervous system and the gastrointestinal system are interconnected. Dysregulation may contribute to digestive issues such as stomachaches, nausea, or changes in bowel habits.
Motor Coordination Challenges: Dysregulation can affect motor coordination and fine motor skills. Children may exhibit difficulties with tasks that require precise movements, resulting in challenges in activities such as handwriting or sports.
It's important to recognize that the presentation of a dysregulated nervous system can vary widely from person to person. Also, these signs and symptoms may overlap, making it crucial for healthcare professionals to conduct thorough assessments to understand the unique profile of each child and tailor interventions accordingly.
Promoting Nervous System Regulation: Identifying & Managing Nervous System Stressors
1. Screens
One of the worst things you can do for a child’s nervous system is hand them a screen when they’re dysregulated. Screens provide quick distraction but rob kids of the chance to practice calming themselves. Over time, this creates a dependency on external stimulation for emotional regulation instead of building real coping skills.
From a parent’s perspective, it feels logical; distract the child to improve mood and behavior. From the child’s perspective, it feels great; screens bring instant relief. The problem is that this shortcut prevents them from learning how to handle restlessness, boredom, frustration, or anger on their own. Emotional resilience is built by facing discomfort, not escaping it.
As a society, we’re wired for convenience, but kids need to feel discomfort in small doses to grow stronger. If we consistently pacify them with screens, we limit their ability to develop regulation skills. They may appear calm, but they didn’t earn that state, and when the crutch isn’t available, they’re left unprepared.
Screens aren’t inherently bad, but their effect depends on timing, frequency, duration, and content. Every child is different, but the principle is the same: teach them to work through discomfort so they don’t grow dependent on bright lights and buttons to soothe their nervous system.
Do this:
Basically, minimize or avoid excessive screen time and low-quality screen use. Here are some guidelines according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP):
Under 18 months: Avoid screen exposure except for live, two-way video chatting with family.
18 to 24 months: If you introduce digital media, choose high-quality, educational programming and watch together to help learning.
2 to 5 years: Limit screen time to about one hour per day of high-quality content, co-view when possible, and prioritize play and real-world interaction.
6 years and up: Set consistent limits on total media time and types, protect sleep and physical activity, and create a family media plan with device-free times and zones.
Help them choose the right content. When it comes to content, choosing shows, movies, and clips with high frame rates is not only associated with an excitatory response in the viewer, but they are also often beyond the child's ability to comprehend. It's crucial to guide children towards content that is more aligned with their developmental stage (think Mr. Rogers over seizure-inducing anime).
Don't overreact, use your judgment, and avoid screens around bedtime.
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2. Food
One of the biggest influences on a child’s nervous system is what they eat. Highly processed, hyper-palatable foods loaded with sugar, seed oils, and additives light up the brain’s reward pathways but offer little real nutrition. They’re engineered to be irresistible, and over time, they can throw off hunger and fullness cues, spike and crash blood sugar, and leave kids moody, irritable, and tired.
Repeated exposure rewires the brain to crave these foods while making whole, nutrient-rich options less appealing. This pattern can persist into adulthood, raising the risk for obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease. An unhealthy diet also disrupts the gut-brain axis (the two-way link between digestion and mood) by altering the microbiome in ways that affect behavior and emotional regulation.
The fallout shows up in school, too. Blood sugar swings and nutrient gaps can impair focus, memory, and learning, making it harder for kids to thrive academically and emotionally.
Do this:
Prioritize nutrient-dense, whole foods in children's diets such as grass-fed beef, pastured eggs, wild-caught salmon, and seasonal fruits and vegetables.
Offer filtered water (ideally reverse osmosis) throughout the day instead of juice or soda.
Build balanced plates with protein, healthy fats, and fiber at each meal to stabilize blood sugar.
Involve kids in grocery shopping and meal prep so they’re more likely to eat what’s served.
Keep simple, healthy snacks on hand: apple slices with nut butter, cheese sticks, carrots with hummus. When you need to go with snacks that aren’t whole foods, choose wisely.
Limit foods with seed oils, dyes, and added sugars by checking ingredient labels together.
Model healthy eating habits; kids notice what you eat more than what you say.
Consider a vitamin (we give our kids Hiya vitamins each morning).
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3. Lighting
Artificial lighting, especially fluorescents, can take a real toll on a child’s nervous system. These lights flicker at rates too fast for the eye to see but still stressful for the brain, often triggering sensory overload in kids who are already sensitive. Add in their cooler color temperature (typically 4000–6500 Kelvin) and you get disrupted circadian rhythms, lower melatonin, and restless sleep.
Blue light in the evening exacerbates the problem by delaying sleep and increasing long-term health risks associated with poor circadian regulation, including obesity, heart disease, and even a shortened lifespan. For children, the immediate effects include fatigue, irritability, and an imbalance in the nervous system.
A better option: steady, warmer light. Incandescent or warm LEDs in the 2700–3000 Kelvin range mimic natural sunlight, reduce sensory stress, and help the body wind down properly. The right lighting choice does more than brighten a room; it sets the stage for calmer moods, better sleep, and healthier regulation.
Do this:
Swap harsh fluorescents for warm, steady lighting. Incandescent or warm LEDs in the 2700–3000 Kelvin range mimic natural sunlight and create a calming environment for kids.
Use adjustable lamps or dimmers in bedrooms and common spaces to support evening wind-down routines.
Block blue light in the evening. Blue-light blocking glasses worn at least 2 hours before bed have been shown to improve sleep quality, total sleep time, and sleep onset in people with insomnia.
Choose the right type of blue light blockers:
Best tinted ones: Essential Living or Spectra479 (the best on the market, blocking 99.82% of blue light)
Best clear ones: Felix Grey
Prioritize consistent evening routines: turn off overhead lights, switch to lamps or nightlights with warm bulbs, and keep screens out of bedrooms.
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For more on the research and my full breakdown of lighting, check out my article: Light and Your Nervous System.
5. Touch
Touch is a fundamental aspect of human development and plays a crucial role in regulating the nervous system, particularly in children. From infancy, tactile stimulation through gentle touch, cuddling, and physical affection not only fosters emotional bonding but also facilitates the development of neural pathways involved in sensory processing and regulation.
Research indicates that touch stimulates the release of oxytocin, often referred to as the "love hormone," which promotes feelings of trust, comfort, and relaxation. Oxytocin counteracts the effects of stress hormones such as cortisol, helping to regulate the body's stress response and promote a sense of calmness and security.
Inadequate sensory stimulation in children can lead to developmental delays, with touch deprivation being a significant factor. Studies suggest that orphaned infants may suffer more from sensory deprivation than maternal deprivation, as evidenced by impaired growth and cognitive development. Multiple studies demonstrate the positive impact of additional tactile stimulation in institutionalized infants, with as little as an additional 10-20 minutes of "tactile stimulation" per day being enough to reduce regurgitation and improve developmental outcomes.
In one study, preterm infants who received 15 minutes of daily touch therapy—stroking and limb flexing, three times a day for 10 days gained weight 47 percent faster and went home six days earlier than controls, despite identical caloric intake. They also showed more wakefulness, activity, and stronger behavioral responses.
For children, regular tactile stimulation continues to shape the brain, strengthening areas tied to emotional regulation and social cognition. Positive touch teaches kids to link physical contact with safety and support, building the foundation for healthy stress regulation and resilience. A simple hug, cuddle, or hand on the shoulder communicates trust and reassurance, making touch one of the most powerful tools for emotional well-being.
Do this:
Build in daily moments of positive touch such as hugs, cuddles, back rubs, or simply holding hands.
Use gentle massage or playful roughhousing to provide extra tactile input while strengthening the connection.
Comfort kids with touch during times of stress to help them associate physical contact with safety and calm.
Prioritize skin-to-skin contact with infants whenever possible—it sets the foundation for emotional regulation.
Remember that even small gestures, like a hand on the shoulder or ruffling their hair, reinforce trust and security.
6. Nature
I once heard a parent say, “I want to raise a kid who doesn’t say ‘Ew.’” What they meant was raising a child who’s comfortable getting messy: digging in the dirt, climbing trees, exploring outside. Nature isn’t about danger from bears or snakes. It’s about the calming effect of grass underfoot, fresh air, and open space on the nervous system.
Incorporating exposure to nature into children's daily lives is another crucial aspect of promoting nervous system regulation. Studies have shown that spending time in natural environments can significantly reduce stress levels and improve cognitive function in children.
Research backs up the variety of ways that nature is good for our brains and bodies. For example, a study published in the Journal of Environmental Psychology found that just 20 minutes in nature can lower cortisol levels, the hormone associated with stress, by as much as 20%. Furthermore, a nationwide study covering over 900,000 individuals revealed that children raised in environments with minimal green space had up to a 55% higher risk of developing psychiatric disorders. Additionally, a 2022 meta-analysis confirmed that exposure to natural environments substantially elevates positive emotions and diminishes negative ones, aligning with the biophilia hypothesis, or an innate biological and genetic connection between humans and nature, which includes an emotional dimension to this connection.
Evolutionarily, humans have evolved in natural settings, surrounded by plants, trees, sand, and open spaces. Our nervous systems are inherently attuned to these environments, which provide a sense of safety and relaxation (think parasympathetic nervous system). This connection to nature is deeply rooted in our evolutionary history, as our ancestors relied on natural habitats for survival and well-being. When we don't get enough of this environment, it signals a mismatch between our modern lifestyle and the evolutionary conditions which leads to dysregulation of the nervous system.
Do this:
Hit 1,000 hours outside. The website 1000 Hours Outside is a great site whose purpose is to attempt to match nature time with screen time. If kids can consume media through screens 1200 hours a year on average ,then the time is there, and at least some of it can and should be shifted towards a more productive and healthy outcome!” I've written about this strategy as a tool to manage toddler behaviors. Head to this page to get a free tracker of the 10,000 hours or download the app.
Start small: add houseplants, open windows, or take short daily walks. Even small “green doses” have measurable benefits.
Build unstructured playtime into the week by letting kids ride bikes, climb trees, or explore the backyard without adult supervision.
Swap some screen hours for park time, hiking trails, or backyard play.
Plan bigger doses of nature when you can: camping weekends, beach days, or trips to a National Park.
Think of nature like exercise: there’s a minimum effective dose. Even 20 minutes a day provides a measurable reset for the nervous system.
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Takeaway
Promoting healthy nervous system development in children is essential for their overall well-being. The nervous system, operating in the background to support the body, can falter when there's a mismatch between its evolutionary design and modern lifestyles, leading to various challenges such as hyperactivity, sleep disturbances, and sensory sensitivities. By making small changes in the environment and daily routines, parents can profoundly impact their child's nervous system, positively influencing behavior, sleep quality, cognitive function, and emotional regulation. Understanding the importance of factors like screen time, diet, lighting, physical touch, and exposure to nature allows parents to create environments conducive to optimal nervous system regulation and overall well-being.
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